A bald, white beard man from Superior Lake in Minnesota, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special necklace for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and showed them a $3,000 necklace.
The man said, “No, I’d like to see something more impressive.”
With that, the jeweler went to his special room and brought another necklace over. “Here’s a wonderful necklace at only $30,000,” the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes shined and her whole body trembled with excitement. The bald old man seeing this said, “We’ll buy it.”
The jeweler asked “How will you pay this necklace sir? ”
The old man responded, “By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the necklace up Monday afternoon.”
On Monday morning, the jeweler furiously phoned the old man and said, “There’s no money in that bank account.”
“I know,” said the old man. “But would you like to hear about my awesome weekend?”
That's an excellent joke OP
My Mrs sent me a text today saying….’I love you xxxxx’
…so I sent a text back saying…’I love you’
…the Mrs text back saying….’It would mean more if you put ex’es at the end’
….So I sent……. ‘I love you…Tina, Jane, Clare, Emma, Sue………”.
A woman is in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches.
The judge asks “how many peaches were in the tin?”
She replies “four your honour”.
He tells her that she will serve 1 month for each peach.
As she is being led away, her husband shouts from the public gallery …..’’AND SHE STOLE A TIN OF PEAS!”
One armed waiters, they can take it, but they can’t dish it out!!
A bank robber pulls out a gun and points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!” The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’” The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
A farmer buys a young cock.
As soon as he gets it home it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens.
Next day, it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later that day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling overhead.
Farmer says, "you deserved it, you horny bastard!"
The cock opens one eye, points up and says "shhhhhhhh, they're about to land!!"