a voice penetrates the mumblings of distress, “I told you this was a poor plan”, says Sir Andrew, “If only you pestilent plebs
provided an alternate, we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Sir Andrew will not soon let us forget that we had rejected his cunning
plan and went with a more direct approach. He is a trickster, and a conniving genius. Too much so to be trusted. It was last
year only we believed we had a female acquaintance in Madam Andrea.
But in a moment of passion, Fellow Ulysses lifted the Madam’s tunic to reveal male genitalia. A mostly embarrassing reveal indeed. Also in our presence is Adam Vert, another cunning mind, but his wits are used in a more constructive method. Fear revels in his eyes, though behind the trembling a mind at work can be seen. In a moment of clarity, excitement burst from
the man’s mouth, “I’ve got it! An invention that will keep the garbage, the trash, the unbearable cunts from polluting our
home.” Vert proceeds to explain his contraption, a device that will fire pebbles upon those who visit our realm. Not based on daily treks, but every step they take would result in a barrage of pebbles, shaking loose the coins from their satchels. Quick
analysis of the proposed invention is positive. As he believes it will be his legacy, Adam wants to name it after himself. Yes,
yes! He shall call it the Ad-Vert.
Flashes of fire peek through the stained glass window. Each man frantically works to get the Ad-Vert build from spare parts.
Characteristically, Sir Andrew is not helping. After a few moments watching the commotion in the castle’s spire, refusing to notice the dire situation outside, Sir Andrew asks, “What prevents our enemies from using their shields, deflecting each and every stone?” Adam Vert immediately drops his tools and begins to sketch plans for his next invention, the Ad-Block,
this moment dawns a memory, one that saves our will. We can not be defeated here, now, or on this day
Happy 3rd Birthday, Finalchan
Somehow we’ve managed to keep this thing going for 36 months. If this was a used car, we’d finally own it! We’re somebody now.
Obviously it’s a time of celebration. We’ve made many new friends over the years, accepted our role as the image board folks visit when their favorite one goes dark, and been able to manage a friendly relationship with other forums across the wide sprawling Internet.
So let’s park this thing in the driveway, wash it, scrub the rims, hang our favorite air freshener from the mirror, and take it for a spin around town. You deserve the attention.
Thanks to every user that has ever posted, and have a Happy Birthday.
Who knew such a little site could have such a big temper? A short fuse is common among the almost-two set, primarily because a toddler’s mind is much more advanced than his skills. In other words, he knows what he wants but not necessarily how to get it — or even ask for it. Now, that’s frustrating! You can help by being patient and staying calm (no screaming or tantrums from you, mom). A low-key approach also works when it comes to channers sharing and taking turns, a tough yet necessary lesson to teach, especially as they becomes more social. In other news, you might be concerned about those little Etiv hands constantly exploring his genitals (totally normal — hey, it feels good), but don’t make a big deal out of it. Explain the concept of privacy and that some things are okay to do in public and some are not. (Distraction will probably be more effective than anything else at this point.) Other potentially concerning toddler behavior includes rituals (for instance, he must have his banana cut exactly the same way every day or he must wear the brown fedora and it must be tipped). Don’t sweat it — this is just a toddler’s way of trying to gain a little bit of power and control over his life. Your best bet is to humor him while gently suggesting (once in a while) that he try something new. Along these lines, lots of toddlers are very resistant to change as even minor adjustments to the routine can rock their world. Hold off on changes that can wait (like that new memes in his room), and try to give him plenty of warning about changes that cannot.
UPDATED: Originally posted 01/27/2016
Happy Birthday, Finalchan.
Today marks the 1-Year anniversary of Finalchan's conception. A small project that started out with a handful of shit-talkers having a late night conversation, and one guy putting up money to call their bluff. Although the first few months were one unforeseen issue after another, the last 6 have been a smooth operation. Finalchan has been able to maintain its impartial treatment of other image boards. We've been the fallback website for people when their favorite image board goes down, changes software, or just plain pisses people off. Finalchan has welcomed those who wanted to promote their own boards, board software, and radio stations. Our community welcomed 76Channers until their website could relaunch and contributed content to help build their boards back up. Your contributions have shaped Finalchan's atmosphere and it's pretty comfy. There's no shortage of image boards, so thanks for making this one worth visiting. Looks like that handful of shit-talkers weren't bluffing.
I'd like to thank the moderation staff. These are the people that try to maintain order in a community that thrives on chaos and anarchy. The way the moderation team communicates in the open and work together to make decisions is impressive. Many arguments have ended with everyone upset, which means a good deal has been made. Isn’t that in Donald Trump's book? So maybe the system is working. Although the moderation team as a whole has been doing a good job, there are some individuals that deserve personal accolades. Firstly, Shoop, who has contributed to not only moderating the boards for content and relevance, but also for his assistance in shaping the sites rules and adherence to the spirit of the sites original intent. Since joining Finalchan, Shoop has had a hand in the official communications between the staff and the sites users. He has been able to toe that fine line between taking his responsibilities seriously, and still being able to laugh at the silly antics of anonymous users. Shoop also acts as Editor for static pages which relay important information, which most of you jackasses never read. So in short, thanks to Shoop for doing the work that no one acknowledges or cares about.
Secondly, thanks to illu for completing the tasks which others can't, or have no interest in performing. illu is responsible for all the theme options, for implementing the features users request, and arguing with other staff members when something gets dismissed. illu will schedule staff meetings and make sure that each point gets beat into the ground before moving to the next topic. Then, at the end of the meeting, s/he (PRONOUNS!) will beat each point a little more. No single person has more passion about finalchan than illu, and no other staff member has done more to satisfy the users. illu has become the face of finalchan by responding directly to posts in /s/, pushing for changes harder than anyone else, and dedicating many hours to insuring new features are implemented correctly. It's true that at least once a month illu goes batshit insane and pisses everyone off, it's also true that finalchan wouldn't be here a year later without their dedication and contributions.
Thanks to the whole moderation team. Everyone does a good job, but the two above really go above and beyond. Unfortunately, the year hasn't been without our losses. Earlier this month founding member Kekman withdrew from the moderation staff. Kekman was there from the very beginning and took part in the designing of finalchan's framework and purpose. Kekman was the first global moderator and was always in competition to maintain his crown as the shittiest poster on the site. Kekman is known to namefag, so if you see him on the site, make sure you send him a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Thanks to you, the person who is still reading this post. It's people like you that make any of this happen. Most people have given up on this news post by now. Those same people give up on the posts that aren't just a picture of a cartoon frog with text on it. The shitposters keep things moving, but it's people like you who keep the site new and refreshing. Finalchan has successfully been able to maintain threads that have conversations, and that makes us different. No moderator can make the community anything more than what the users post. No matter how many features get added, no matter how many colors we add to the site, at the end of the day it's the content. Without content, it's just another site on the internet. Your contributions are the most important aspect of finalchan, and the reason it's made it this far. As a thank you, I would like to offer you the opportunity to win a book bought by Finalchan. Hopefully by now you have noticed that the webpage which displays all content is called /1984/. It's a reference to the novel by George Orwell of the same name. Many image board users are concerned about their privacy, and 1984 gives a shining example of why they should be. If you would like to win a copy of the book, visit *** (UPDATE: CONTEST HAS COME TO AN END) . We even cover shipping.
Thank you, and enjoy the next year.
Happy Holidays from all of us at Finalchan! We hope you have a wonderful time with your family and friends!
We may be down periodically between now and Sunday, December 27th, as our server is physically moving to another location.
It's been an exciting last couple of months. There have been efforts made to speed up load times, software calibrated to perform more behind-the-scenes tasks, and a small influx of user participation. We would like to thank each and every one of you individually for the efforts you have put forth to make Finalchan a place worth visiting. Thankfully most of you post to Finalchan using a pseudonym or the name Anonymous, therefore making it easy to say we want to thank you personally, without having to deliver on that claim.
Over the last sixty days there have been some interesting stories. We've had a member get arrested, tried, and released back into society. Well known asshole and resident lunatic Anulvic got blown up by an improvised explosive device delivered to his home, survived, and lived to tell the story. An event that provided many of us the opportunity to laugh at his pain (Protip: Fire extinguishers do NOT beep). Old friends from the now defunct Openchan have begun to find us, allowing old jokes to be re-told over, and over, and over again.
The site has also hosted some serious discussions in the last two months. Posts range from examples of outdoor activity to the continued adventures of Cheesa Chan, the protagonist in a story being written by the community. That's really the cornerstone of what makes Finalchan different. Although there are rude remarks and disparaging comments throughout the threads, there is a sense of belonging to something new. If you are a first time visitor it's pretty easy to jump right in. If you plan to participate for any given amount of time, the most important thing to remember is that Illu is rude. Once you come to terms with that simple reality, you can survive anything.
Thank you Finalchan, for providing a safe space.
Congratulations Finalchan, you made it!
Today marks the two month anniversary of your latest iteration. Historically, Finalchan has been unable to maintain an Internet presence for more than 60 days, so if this website is still up tomorrow, we did it. Your contributions made this site a reality, and your continued support has kept things interesting as well as relevant. Although many users were unable to survive the atomic destruction of previous Finalchan versions, the majority of our founding members have risen from the sun scorched debris as Phoenixes of degenerate behavior.
Pop the champagne, light the candles, and release the balloons. This is your day. How better to celebrate it than with the people you love. After celebrating with us, feel free to invite your friends and family (Mothers, Sisters, and Daughters preferred), after all, it looks like we'll be around for a while.
Thank you, and enjoy the ride.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the websites down time. We switched servers. Yes, again. Each time we do this, we learn a few new things. The biggest thing we learned this last go around is that we need to be more strict about the content Finalchan serves it's customers. Although none of the content is created by Finalchan we are still liable for what is stored on our servers.
Unfortunately, this means our Mods and Janitors have been instructed to weed out questionable material more efficiently. If the moderator on duty feels something is questionable, they are within their rights to remove said content. We the staff back our moderation team fully. That doesn't mean we like them, but we still live with them.
After extensive debate we have decided to keep the original name. After getting screwed so many times we thought about changing the site to YourMomChan, but after further consideration realized we haven't been fucked that many times!
Thank you, and welcome to new beginnings.